Yesterday I had a colonoscopy, a procedure that I highly recommend to one and all.
Preparing for the procedure was not the pleasantest of tasks, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I had feared. Basically, the day before the procedure I had to subsist on a diet of "clear" fluids. The definition of "clear" is a bit fuzzy as it includes things like black coffee, soda, Jello (but not the red variety), etc.
Then at 7pm I was instructed to ingest 1 1/2 fluid ounces of Fleet Phospho-Soda mixed with ginger ale. (The Fleet web site has more detailed information on how to consume this in three easy steps.)
The Phospho-Soda cocktail was repeated the next day about three hours before I left home.
NB While I'm going into some detail on the liquids that I ingested, I shall leave as an exercise for the reader the task of imagining what was eliminated; rest assured it was voluminous.
The procedure itself was a breeze. After donning a hospital gown and having an intravenous tube inserted into the back of my hand (the nurse who put it in insisted it was a thing of beauty and after examining it closely, I had to agree), I was taken to an operating room where I got to lie down on my side. As the staff was prepping me with EKG sensors, blood pressure arm band, and other nifty gadgets, I asked if I would be conscious. The anesthesiologist replied that I'd be pretty much unaware of what was going on, although I might be able to hear the radio.
"Well, if you're going to be playing rap music, I'm sure I'll hear it," I harrumphed.
When the anesthetic began to enter my blood stream, I felt a burning sensation running up my arm; this was the only time I felt the least bit uncomfortable, but I was assured that the burning sensation was quite normal. In any event, an oxygen mask was placed in front of my face, and the next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room.
Yes, a completely painless procedure. I went from full consciousness to total unconsciousness to completely awake in what seemed like a blink of an eye; and on awaking I didn't feel the least bit woozy.
When the nurse noticed that I was conscious, she offered me something to drink. I asked for a very dry martini, but all she had was apple juice, so I settled for that.
I asked about taking out the IV tube: "I've seen a lot of movies where they just yank these things out."
"Yes," she replied drily, "that's how they do it in the movies."
"What would happen if I just yanked it out?"
"You would bleed."
Her approach was a bit gentler.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, the doctor informed me that he found nothing to worry about, so I won't need to have another colonoscopy for ten years.
I have to wait ten years? Gee, and it was so much fun!
Update: I see James Wolcott has had a similar experience...
Did some updates for my sister's PC on Sunday. Gave her the latest version of Mozilla, made sure she had the latest anti-virus updates for her AVG software, etc.
And then I updated her Windows. She has XP. Hers is the only XP system I've encountered so far, so I don't have much experience with it. I don't know if the following behavior is typical.
After selecting the Windows automatic updates and clicking OK, the system began to do whatever it is that XP does. There didn't seem to be too much activity, so I checked to see what was happening. Turns out, the system was uploading about three times as much data as it was downloading! Presumably the data stream was going to Microsoft. What were they grabbing from my sister's PC?
I knew that XP had some privacy problems. Obviously, I'm going to have to research this further.
Well, my Windows 2K system died over the weekend. This was not too surprising, as it had been nearly a year since the last time it crashed, so it was certainly way overdue. Nevertheless, it was a blasted nuisance.
The precipitating incident seems to have been my decision to get the latest updates. Last Wednesday I downloaded and installed the first update that Microsoft recommended (the latest version of IE 6, a browser I practically never use), and immediately my system went into a seemingly never-ending cycle of reboot, crash with a cryptic error message at different points in the boot process, reboot, etc. The only nice thing about this was that it performed this little ritual with no input from me; I was able to just sit back and enjoy the show. Of course, "enjoy" is not the word I would use.
Eventually, the reboot cycle came to an end and the PC seemed to have stabilized. I decided not to install any more updates just then.
Anyway, Saturday morning the system just died. Blue Screen Of Death. Cryptic error message flying by way too fast for human eyes to read. Auto-reboot, etc. I let this go on for about 45 minutes before deciding that I was licked. It was time to reinstall...
...which is a long boring process. Suffice it to say that while I was reinstalling, I decided that this was it for Windows, and so I used my Mac to download the latest Red Hat Linux CD images. My plan is to migrate my last few Windows apps to my Mac, and sometime soon, perhaps this weekend, upgrade from Windows to Linux. At that time I'll have two Linux boxes, so I'll migrate my web server to the faster of the two.
Who knows. I may even find time to start regular blogging sometime soon.
Tom Tomorrow, recently interviewed by Salon, has a method for detecting idiots:
"You have some basic indicators like when someone writes in all caps, or has no sense of grammar or uses terms like LOL for "laugh out loud" -- then you know you're mostly dealing with an idiot."
Ummm, I dunno that I'd use the term "idiot" to describe someone who types in all CAPS or uses poor grammar (a recent immigrant, perhaps?). I tend to reserve "idiot" for those who supported Ralph Nader in 2000.
LOL!
Your humble Curmudgeon admits he's not ready for regular blogging just yet, and he's surprised and delighted that his first weblog entry has found such a prominent place on Google (search words: Maria Bartiromo Citigroup), but he can't pass up the opportunity to join the crowd.
So, he now has a Fair and Balanced Weblog.
Like Professor DeLong and Atrios and lots of others...